Descendents of Royalty

I had such good intentions. I've been meaning to post something about love, something inspirational and heart-warming. I couldn't find the energy -- each time I searched, I couldn't find the warm and fuzzy feeling I needed.

Back to the goal:

I don't even remember exactly how it goes, I think it was, to live without guilt, to focus on love laughter and fun.

I've 'fallen off the wagon'. I've turned into the wicked witch of the west, unable to see good in anything. I take full responsibility for my morose. I am the master of my ship.

I do need to relate a contributing factor, though. My plight wouldn't be understood to the same degree if I didn't.

I feel like Atlas, holding the world up, unable to rest, unable to relinquish my duty. Everywhere I look things need to be done, I'm behind, am facing deadlines and don't have the time to dedicate to it. If only I could find a way to have less 'dead time'. Yes, I said, dead time; that's the time I spend doing things that are immediately undone. Mostly 'dead time' encompasses housecleaning, but meal-preparation also rates.

I remember the days when I would invest a couple hours into cleaning my small apartment, and then relax with my cup of coffee, relishing the fresh scent and sterile feel of total cleanliness. I would immediately rinse out my cup when I was done and place it back into it's rightful spot in the cupboard when I was done. I would smooth down my bed in the morning, and wipe down the bathroom sink after I used it. In this manner, everything stayed sparkling fresh for three or four days. Imagine, not even a swiffer or a dishwasher!

As a mom I've begun to resent the many hours I spend cleaning up after everyone. My family continues to negate my work in record time. An orange juice spill on the freshly washed hardwood is followed by a 2-year-old's, "oh-oh". A sassy, "so what!", comes from a 7-year-old, following mom's angry chastisement for his wet shoes and a puddle of water in the entrance.

All this leads me to the realization that, for a mom, housework time is 'dead time' -- not leading to any fruitful result or outcome.

In search of answers, my mind races. I ask, "How did this become my reality?" "Why am I the chosen one?". The only clear answers I can determine are that my dear husband and children must possess a 'royalty' gene, that I don't have. There were rumors that his family descended from Romanian Royalty, princes and princesses of the 13th century bear the same prestigious surname. Hmmm... That explains hubby's taste for the finest of red wine, his love of high-tech electronics and why he needs ten of the best watches money can buy!

On the other hand, I am a descendent of hard-working Italian farmers -- farmers that reaped sparse mountainous soil to eke out a meagre existence in a cold and harsh land. Grandparents that save preserves from 1969, and parents that lived without an indoor toilet until their children were born. Clarity, at last. My destiny is, has always been; to serve the needs of my royal family!

How dare I imagine I can achieve greater things? How dare I think my daily contribution should be meaningful?

My strategic, logical mind is searching for a solution. There must be an answer, a balance. A way to decrease 'dead time' and to leverage the energy of those around me. I am becoming excited just thinking about the outcome! Imagine kids that pick up after themselves, take care not to smudge dirty fingers on the walls, and a husband that cleans his bathroom! What an accomplishment THAT would be! Imagine two young men who will wash the floor, or scrub the bathtub for their wives. I know what I want, now... how do I get there?

A promising sight -- My two year old helped me to clear the table. He picked up the dishes and carried them to the kitchen. He opened the cupboard under the sink and cleaned off the plate into the garbage. What a sight! Later I discovered a plate and a fork in the garbage. One step at a time, I guess.

Until next time!