Read It or Not

The Goal: Live, Love, Laugh and Have Fun!

Just some things on a mom's mind:

I have been looking for something over the past two years, something that has been illusive, that I just can't put my finger on. In the past this has been a casual interest but lately it's become a driving force. Lately I've come to realize that failure to 'figure it out' soon could lead me to miss the boat, or run out of time.

Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind because I find my intuition is my only guide, and I can't produce any concrete proof that what I'm searching for exists. Simply put -- I am looking for my 'life purpose'. The thing in life I will be passionate about, that will engage my mind and feed my soul.

A recent read, James Hillman's The Soul's Code, is that proof. He asserts and argues towards the theory that deep within every individual lies a map which guides their drives, impulses and energy in a certain direction, towards an intended purpose. This theory eases my mind. We are all meant to be something to someone.

He goes on to close all the gaping holes in this theory, one of the most conspicuous being, then, "Why don't we all accomplish great things?" For me, his answer only strengthens the argument; we need to learn to recognize and listen to our inner guide -- our environmental influences can hinder or aid this process, depending on our unique experiences.

Hmmm... food for thought.

Another read I find adding to my view of the world, Dr. Phil's Family First. I have recently found myself drawn to his matter-of-fact view of life, and thought I better check into the book he heavily touts as an answer to most of the ills that pain family life.

Maybe I can figure out how to toilet train 2 year old? Maybe I can end the backtalk and defiance I get from 7 year old when it comes to living up to his responsibilities? Maybe I can move one of my Goals for 2005 forward -- family harmony.

Some gems within - family routines are integral to harmony, realistic and reinforced consequences are essential, generous displays of respect and love are fundamental. A wonderful read, but often too simplistic -- in my opinion. Dr. Phil's approach to family problem-solving is firmly esteeped in behaviour modification theory, change your approach and you change your reality. This definitely has merit and is effective a lot of the time, but is it possible that core issues and driving forces are ignored? Does it produce a lasting result? Like most modern medicine, do the approaches just treat the symptoms?

That being said, I respect Dr. Phil for stepping forward to tackle a major issue in North American society. In general many children are not being raised in a manner that prepares them for general society. The unemployment rate amongst youth is staggeringly higher than the norm. In Alberta -- youth unemployment is 12 to 14 percent, while the overall rate is >5 percent. If the incidence of underemployment were factored in, how high would the numbers be? In my experiences with youth who are caught in this vortex, I have been shocked by the apathy, depression, self-deprecation, and fear I have encountered. I am amazed at their inability to discuss their strengths, recognize their talents and unique gifts -- and most disturbingly, their inappropriate reliance on the iconic images of popular media. We need to start somewhere - the family experience is a key point of influence. I know I want to help my kids avoid that reality, I want them to be focussed, confident and ready to face the world when the time comes, my only hope is that the world they face is a new improved version of the current world.

Until next time.

Goal-setting for 2005: In Pursuit of Happiness

The Goal: Live, love, laugh and have fun.

I've heard that a key part of gaining productivity in your life includes taking time for enjoyment and fun. It has always seemed ludicrous to me that I could be more productive by stepping away from my work, even if only for a period of time.

My experience over the past few weeks seems to affirm this. Contrary to my work-a-holic leanings. Following a very social festive season and a week in the sun I have returned to my routines with renewed enthusiasm and excitement about facing the mounds of work/opportunity in my life.

As a mom of two young boys with a need for personal satisfaction and a focus on professional achievement, I have found life to be unbalanced most of the time. If my focus is on career achievement my household (family life) and personal life are in shambles. If my focus is on the household a lack of progress towards my career aspirations causes considerable anxiety. If my focus is on my personal life I experience guilt and chaos within all other aspects. A no-win situation!

I would like to pay homage to my inclination to begin the year with some major goal-setting initiatives. This goal-setting initiative resembles a series of New Year's Resolutions, but unlike New Year's Resolutions -- the goals are actually things I intend to make happen.

The theme my goals revolve around this year could easily be titled 'In Pursuit of Happiness' -- although my goals have taken a much more lofty position than pure hedonism. Maybe, better; 'In Pursuit of Happiness within the confines of a Self-Employed Mother's Life' is more fitting. I am so serious about this pursuit I've taken the time to gain an understanding of what leads to happiness. According to my research, happiness is a combination of:

Contentment: this could be defined as satisfaction with your lot in life -- whatever that may be. Interestingly research has proven that contentment is possible regardless of an individual's financial position -- although basic 'needs' must be met, once they are -- more money does not equate to more happiness, in many cases the relationship is actually inverse. The richest people are not usually happy.

Dignity: Rather than a person's financial position, what is actually more important is how a person views their position in society. How much value they place on their contribution to society.

Welfare: Welfare is the simplest to define and the most basic element of happiness -- although when not present -- the most difficult to attain. Welfare involves a person's safety, security and health.

Hence, I support my conclusion that the pursuit of happiness is more than the pursuit of pleasure -- although pleasure can be a component of contentment leading to happiness. Capiche?

Now that I've rationalized this goal and dealt with the Catholic guilt that comes with it, I can continue.

My next step was to examine the different parts of my life using the 'filter' my new definition of happiness created. I looked at my career, my family life and my personal life.

What resulted, for me, was a well-balanced set of principles, that I hope can shape my life -- and create happiness.

I am currently making my short-list of achievements, probably around 15, that will move my life forward around each of the important principles I have defined, and then I will establish a regular schedule that pays homage to each of the elements I want to include. In my opinion I can't fail with this approach!

My list of achievements will be incredibly diverse, one is to introduce my son to skiing, another is to meet a certain level of revenue in my business, yet another is to develop a certain type of work opportunity -- with another to successfully run a 10k road race. I have disected each goal for an understanding of how achievement will impact the 'balance' in my life and my overall happiness. For example, introducing my son to skiing leads to the potential creation of a family-based physical activity that can increase the number of joint pursuits our family has, it provides a social context for strengthening the bond between members of our family (contentment and harmony) and it improves the welfare of our family by opening the doors to outdoor physical activity during the sedentary winter months.

While I understand the Yin/Yang concept of life -- both light and dark elements are necessary. I firmly believe that the above approach will tilt the scale towards more incidents of happiness and satisfaction than their alternatives. Now, you might think I have too much time on my hands but again, I can rationalize my actions in the following way:

If you had a business, or managed a department, wouldn't you put this much time into planning? Wouldn't every resource you read recommend that you put this much time into planning? How about everyone who has ever been responsible for the successful completion of a project, isn't the ration 2 to 1, with recommendations for the investment in planning to be twice as high as the investment in implementation? How is life management any different? How can it be standard practice to let life happen while we methodically plan in business?

Isn't there more likelihood that if you plan it, it will happen?

Wish me luck...

Ultimate Enjoyment

The Goal: Live, love, laugh and have fun.

Although I am spinning my wheels in the goalsetting department, I have been firmly entrenched in enjoyment these days. Directly upon completion of the festive season, we jetted off for a 7-day adventure in bee-u-ti-ful Me-hee-ko along with good friends.

The company was fantastic, the weather was beyond belief (having missed -47 with wind chill back home), and the mexican atmosphere made even highly-stressed hubby relax. I filled my days with snorkeling, sunning, touring the Mayan Ruins, shopping in Playa del Carmen, beach volleyball, and a good book. Evenings began with a scrumptious meal amongst fun friends, a few drinks, a fine Mexican singing and dancing performance and maybe even some dancing at the disco.

What a great week!

Indescribably unforgettable.

What about the kids? Whose kids?

A New Year Already in Jeopardy

The goal: Live, love, laugh and have fun.

I felt smug as I gave into the laziness that had engulfed me over the past few days. I sat like a slug and did nothing productive, I would move from a mindless game on my computer, to the TV, to a novel, only re-entering reality when called upon by the demands of my young children. Feed them, entertain them, change a diaper, and back to my reverie.

Ohh, what sweet bliss -- heavenly. Not worried about exercising off the indulgence of the past 2 weeks, not worried about the endless to-do list growing exponentially in the back of my mind. An indulgence extravaganza -- loafing around each day, coming alive in time for the social gathering of the evening. I think the last time I did this I was twenty and hanging with the girls!

Last night was the last evening before the harsh reality of time brought real life back into the forefront. We were enjoying a wonderfully delicious authentic Indian meal hosted by our good friends. "It is our belief," our hostess began, "that what you do in the first few days of the New Year marks how you will live the year," she finished this revelation thoughtfully, indicating they had deliberately chosen to spend the time with us, but I heard her words faintly through a fog that was enveloping my mind. The taste of shear panic arose in my throat as I imagined a year resembling the last few days -- I had so many goals... so many dreams... Is this the price I would pay for sloth? Now I understand that niggling guilt I was feeling. 2005 has only begun, can I already discount it as the year I did nothing? I have one more day to make it up... I better make today productive -- or I could be in trouble.

Forget about living, loving, laughing and fun, I have things to do!

Time to go!