Raising Citizens of Tomorrow

My ideas about raising my kids have evolved greatly over the past year. I've brought my thoughts down to a few key principles. While the proof will be in the pudding, I'm convinced I can support my kids to develop strength in character if I can diligently support their experience of the following:

• Unconditional love displayed daily. My recent studies of concepts of emotional development have made me more focussed upon this thought. Many studies indicate that children develop feelings of empathy for others in response to the nurturing they receive when they are young, without which they don't! This is an easy investment to make.

• Courage to express themselves, even if it's not popular. Among the many lessons about the importance of conforming to societal expectations, it is important that children know they should not give up their true selves for the sake of society. This I've learned through experience. What does this mean? It means we provide our kids with that safe place to fall, and we prod them to stick the course, in spite of what others say. It means we accept their decision to play chess instead of football. It means we encourage them to try new things just because they want to. It means we stand up and walk against the crowd when it's right for us.

• Inclusion in life's ups and downs. I believe we can only develop emotional strength through experience and exposure. Everything is more fearful when we lack experience dealing with it. When our kids see us facing emotional difficulty and coping through it -- they learn that it is possible to cope, and they see what steps to take. They learn by example so our role is to make sure we are putting our best foot forward in our own lives, and practicing a positive attitude.

• Expectations and Responsibilities. Our society has slowly sidelined children. In the past children played active roles as contributors towards the family position. Farm children helped their dads in the field and completed daily chores. Girls helped their mom's with childcare and cooking. By today's standards, children aren't 'deemed' responsible until they are over 9 years old at which point they are already beginning to have greater freedoms than they were ever prepared for. Our first instinct is to shelter our children from their mistakes, and jump in to save them from their troubles. Children of all ages should be expected to contribute to the family in some way. They should be given responsibilities. They should be held accountable to their actions, and required to face the consequences. The alternative is to send a naive 18-year-old into the world to flounder, or worse; take advantage of others.

• Selfless contribution to society. Another issue with our current society -- how do we teach children to be selfless when we are busy thinking about 'me', and everything around us screams 'me first'. Give of yourself (not just money) and expect your children to be giving as well. Giving needs to be more than the faceless act of supporting charity, it needs to be direct. It needs to include direct interaction with others in support of their needs. Don't isolate your kids from poverty. Let them see it. Talk about it. Help them to feel what it would be like to be in someone else's shoes. Let them exercise empathy. Let them exercise thankfulness and appreciation. And finally, let them exercise compassion.

• Connection to family. Good or bad, recognition of heritage and family builds roots. Lessons that can be learned from family are more valuable than any others. Why? They have our blood, they endure our circumstances, and their experience of life is our natural path. When we value it, we aspire to it. When we don't value it, we reflect upon it to understand how to overcome the natural tendencies to follow it.

• To reserve judgement. Our natural reaction to situations is to label them 'good' or 'bad'. While this ability can support us to stay out of danger, it can keep us from exposing ourselves to opportunities for growth, and keeps us walking a familiar path. An addage learned in my youth is one I encourage my children to consider. "You must walk a mile in a man's moccasins before you can comment on his life". Blame and self-righteousness are rampant in our world.

I must admit that I am still aspiring to live my life according to the above standards, and my results can be spotty and sporadic, I am hopeful my kids can catch on, and probably surpass my achievement!